Sometimes you have to ride right past a point to win the over-all debate. Let's give it a try:

Let's assume for a moment that the "debate is over". That there is genuine "consensus" in the scientific community that Global Warming is real, that it is a direct result of industrial CO2 emissions, that all other influences are irrelevant, and that all other theories and evidence to the contrary are wrong. I don't believe any of that, but let's just take it for granted for the sake of argument.

Other than pursue the Kyoto Protocol, a totally ineffective feel-good measure, what can we do to save our imperiled world?

We can kill trees.

See our leafy companions have this interesting habit of breathing CO2 in and O2 out. This every high school student knows- even the ones from public schools. But despite billions of dollars of research and years of college education what our environmentalist activists fail to realize is the game doesn't stop there. Eventually our leafy companions die, fall over and rot. Now a "rotting" tree is only a tree being eaten by animals too small to see. Those animals breathe in O2 and breathe out CO2 whilst they digest our formerly leafy companion. The great balance of nature is grand thing, is it not?

What we can do is interrupt that cycle. Our leafy companion breathes CO2 in and O2 out until it's big and tall. Then a big and tall lumberjack comes along and kills it. Of course the tree will stop respirating at that point, but thanks to our friend Mr. Lumberjack and his friends Miss Carpenter and Mrs. Upholsterer, our leafy companion doesn't become an all you can eat microbe buffet. Instead, our formerly leafy companion becomes our cushioned armchair companion. And what happens to all that evil Carbon? Well it's sitting in our living room trapped under a lovely coat of cherry wood stain.

If only the rabid environmentalists would set aside the rhetoric of their pseudo-religious hysteria long enough to actually think about the ramifications of their supposed facts they’d be firm supporters of the forest industries rather than their most bitter adversaries. Unfortunately the High Clerics of the Temple of Gaia have declared the topic closed and now warn that any who contest their holy vision- I mean theory- will be marked as Global Warming Deniers and prosecuted in Nuremberg-style trials after the world has been made safe for Socialism.

I can hardly wait.